Yes to all of this. I remember vividly a couple of years ago, scrolling LinkedIn and seeing a former coworker sharing news of an incredible promotion and title. Like you said, it's certainly not the first time I've felt jealousy, but it was the first time I felt jealous and hopeless, like it can never happen for me. Comparison really is the thief of joy.
I used to be so jealous of others, too! I hit peak jealousy a few years ago when I saw people I knew who were younger than me announcing their new senior positions in global companies. Now I've realised that is not my path so I am simply happy for them and happy with my current, more modest, life. I loved the way you structured this week's post, it has a great flow!
Gratitude is the hard physical therapy for jealousy. The antibiotics for the disease of jealousy is to stop watching social media where 99% of the time you are bombarded with the 1% of beauty, success, wealth, fitness, relationships, on and on. It’s poison for your mind.
I’m guilty as charged too. I’ve caught myself doom scrolling. And I say “What am I doing? I just wasted 2 hours!”
I could have read, watched a movie, did some research for my stories, or get some much needed rest. What a waste!!
I’m a GenX’er with a rags to riches to rags to riches story. I’m also Buddhist and have been studying mindsets my whole life as an athlete, an entrepreneur, a committed partner, and meditator. Of all the states of mind that are discursive, jealousy is one of the worst. It’s debilitating almost as much as depression. I stopped posting sunset pictures from my home in Barbados because people would reply “I’m so jealous!”
I was horrified. I want to inspire and share beauty not create jealousy. So I stopped because even if my intentions are noble, I prefer not to cause pain.
When you feel jealous it means you’re not enough. I have a “not good enough” button that propelled me at an early age to push my body until I broke it, my senior year in high school I wanted so badly a starting position on the soccer team, I literally ran until I broke both my tibias. I was bulimic from 16 to 22 due to trying to make weight for wresting but then it turned into body issues because in college I was never going to look like the men the girls had on their walls. No mater how thin I was I don’t have those six-pack genetics. So I thought no one would love me so I pushed myself and worked out and threw up. It was only until I realized the harm I was doing to my body and mind and I stopped.
Here is the secret to never feeling jealous again. Set your own goals, track them and embrace a relentless pursuit of your goals. Then compare your progress to the previous quarters progress. Then you will be so focused on your goals that other people’s stuff and brags won’t matter. I break up my life into 4 quadrants. And have since I was in my twenties.
1. Wealth and Career
2. Health & Fitness
3. Self-Discovery, Spiritually, an Adventure
4. Friends, Family and Relationships.
Try a relentless pursuit of self-discovery or being the best partner you can be for your significant other. Not a doormat but a true partner.
By setting 3-5 goals in each quadrant you will be so focused on your process goals or result goals you won’t have time to ponder what you don’t have or who has what or who.
I feel compassion that your generation had to be so Uber competitive in everything just to get an education and a job. And that you think you need to be an overnight success. It took me 30 years. I have observed that it is my generation of parents’ own insecurities that fostered this. I have my theories why, but as an unmarried, cisgender male with no kids. I’m keeping my observations to myself.
I wish you well, I love this city we share, there is so much art and beauty and history. So many adventures to have. I hope you find one that makes your heart sing with joy.
Lastly and then I’ll shut up. A entrepreneurial studies student asked me in a guest lecture “When
Starting out, do you fake it until you make it?”
I said, “No! Not at all. I accepted that I was a beginner. You don’t have to know everything. Enjoy learning, being inquisitive, being humble and working really hard! Being a beginner is freedom. You be you, be happy with where you are and strive to learn from everyone. And accept where you are and who you are because you are probably a wonderful person.”
Love this advice. Goal setting is a great way to use jealousy/comparison as inspiration, and to better yourself. I have tried that over time but it's definitely something I need to use more
I really relate to this as someone who is always comparing! Especially with NYC — there's a weird narrative in my head that people who move to NYC must have it all together. A flashy job, cool apartment, great clothes, awesome weekend plans. I find myself trying to see people I admire in other locations as a reminder that it's the person and the mindset, not the location, that makes a life well-lived. It's silly, but I'm moving to NYC in a year and I'm kinda hoping it disappoints me a bit. I've been putting it on a pedestal for so many years, it would be nice to know the grass isn't always greener.
Yes to all of this. I remember vividly a couple of years ago, scrolling LinkedIn and seeing a former coworker sharing news of an incredible promotion and title. Like you said, it's certainly not the first time I've felt jealousy, but it was the first time I felt jealous and hopeless, like it can never happen for me. Comparison really is the thief of joy.
I used to be so jealous of others, too! I hit peak jealousy a few years ago when I saw people I knew who were younger than me announcing their new senior positions in global companies. Now I've realised that is not my path so I am simply happy for them and happy with my current, more modest, life. I loved the way you structured this week's post, it has a great flow!
Love this take too! I agree, everyone has their own path which is another reason to set aside comparison
Gratitude is the hard physical therapy for jealousy. The antibiotics for the disease of jealousy is to stop watching social media where 99% of the time you are bombarded with the 1% of beauty, success, wealth, fitness, relationships, on and on. It’s poison for your mind.
I’m guilty as charged too. I’ve caught myself doom scrolling. And I say “What am I doing? I just wasted 2 hours!”
I could have read, watched a movie, did some research for my stories, or get some much needed rest. What a waste!!
I’m a GenX’er with a rags to riches to rags to riches story. I’m also Buddhist and have been studying mindsets my whole life as an athlete, an entrepreneur, a committed partner, and meditator. Of all the states of mind that are discursive, jealousy is one of the worst. It’s debilitating almost as much as depression. I stopped posting sunset pictures from my home in Barbados because people would reply “I’m so jealous!”
I was horrified. I want to inspire and share beauty not create jealousy. So I stopped because even if my intentions are noble, I prefer not to cause pain.
When you feel jealous it means you’re not enough. I have a “not good enough” button that propelled me at an early age to push my body until I broke it, my senior year in high school I wanted so badly a starting position on the soccer team, I literally ran until I broke both my tibias. I was bulimic from 16 to 22 due to trying to make weight for wresting but then it turned into body issues because in college I was never going to look like the men the girls had on their walls. No mater how thin I was I don’t have those six-pack genetics. So I thought no one would love me so I pushed myself and worked out and threw up. It was only until I realized the harm I was doing to my body and mind and I stopped.
Here is the secret to never feeling jealous again. Set your own goals, track them and embrace a relentless pursuit of your goals. Then compare your progress to the previous quarters progress. Then you will be so focused on your goals that other people’s stuff and brags won’t matter. I break up my life into 4 quadrants. And have since I was in my twenties.
1. Wealth and Career
2. Health & Fitness
3. Self-Discovery, Spiritually, an Adventure
4. Friends, Family and Relationships.
Try a relentless pursuit of self-discovery or being the best partner you can be for your significant other. Not a doormat but a true partner.
By setting 3-5 goals in each quadrant you will be so focused on your process goals or result goals you won’t have time to ponder what you don’t have or who has what or who.
I feel compassion that your generation had to be so Uber competitive in everything just to get an education and a job. And that you think you need to be an overnight success. It took me 30 years. I have observed that it is my generation of parents’ own insecurities that fostered this. I have my theories why, but as an unmarried, cisgender male with no kids. I’m keeping my observations to myself.
I wish you well, I love this city we share, there is so much art and beauty and history. So many adventures to have. I hope you find one that makes your heart sing with joy.
Lastly and then I’ll shut up. A entrepreneurial studies student asked me in a guest lecture “When
Starting out, do you fake it until you make it?”
I said, “No! Not at all. I accepted that I was a beginner. You don’t have to know everything. Enjoy learning, being inquisitive, being humble and working really hard! Being a beginner is freedom. You be you, be happy with where you are and strive to learn from everyone. And accept where you are and who you are because you are probably a wonderful person.”
Love this advice. Goal setting is a great way to use jealousy/comparison as inspiration, and to better yourself. I have tried that over time but it's definitely something I need to use more
I really relate to this as someone who is always comparing! Especially with NYC — there's a weird narrative in my head that people who move to NYC must have it all together. A flashy job, cool apartment, great clothes, awesome weekend plans. I find myself trying to see people I admire in other locations as a reminder that it's the person and the mindset, not the location, that makes a life well-lived. It's silly, but I'm moving to NYC in a year and I'm kinda hoping it disappoints me a bit. I've been putting it on a pedestal for so many years, it would be nice to know the grass isn't always greener.
I totally get that! I think that's from all the movies and TV shows glamourizing life here