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I’m 27, and I’ve already spent thousands of dollars on wedding and wedding-related events. I’ve been to two bachelorette parties and eleven weddings in my lifetime (that I can remember—I bet the number is higher), and I just spent $54 on ring dishes for three friends who just got engaged this summer.
So even though I’ve never had a wedding of my own, I’m no stranger to the costs associated with them. And it’s not surprising to me that most of the recent questions submitted to my advice column have been about weddings.
How should I budget for a bachelorette trip?
It’s tough to budget for a group trip because it can be hard to predict the day-to-day costs, and everyone has different budgets (not to mention things they want to do!). I think it’s best to go into any group trip (bachelorettes included) by knowing up front the costs—travel and hotel costs should be planned, and I think it’s best for the group to have an estimated plan on other costs (for example, planning to spend $50 per person on groceries, plus going out to dinner one night).
It can be awkward to ask those questions when everyone is excited for the trip and no one wants to spoil the fun and talk about money, but I’ve heard one too many stories about getting charged crazy amounts after a bachelorette trip. Also, hot take, but I don’t think that others should foot the bill for the bride—sure, maybe buy her a drink when you’re out, but every member of the trip should pay for their own accommodation, dinners, etc.
How much should you spend on an engagement ring?
You might have heard the answer “two months’ salary” before—that phrase is based on a marketing campaign from the 1930s by a diamond company to promote more expensive diamond rings as engagement rings. And clearly, it worked, because people spend a lot on engagement rings.
The real answer to this question is it depends. It depends on what you value. What kind of stone are you looking for? What style do you want? Do you want to repurpose a family ring?
And of course, how much money do you have to spend on a ring? More and more of my friends who have recently gotten engaged had discussed the engagement long before their partners got down on one knee, and some even went to pick out the ring together. Honestly, I think this is great—it’s a huge financial decision, and it’s kind of crazy to think that this huge financial decision has been historically made by only one member of the partnership.
So, sorry to beat around the bush, but I can’t share an answer to this one. It’s such a personal question, and it’s important to spend your money on what you value, whether that’s an expensive ring or not. And, of course, if you value an expensive ring but can’t afford it now, there’s always the option to upgrade the ring at the ten year wedding anniversary!
How much should I give as a wedding gift (in cash)? How much should I give as a second wedding gift (assuming I also went to the first)?
There’s a lot of factors here. The number one thing with wedding gifts (and any other gifts!) is that gift giving shouldn’t be a burden where you go into debt to get someone a gift. At the same time, weddings are expensive and it’s a kind gesture to get a gift as a wedding guest. Also, gift giving gives me joy, and I bet a lot of you feel the same! Sure, sometimes gift giving can be stressful, with deciding how much to spend and what to buy, but the upside of a wedding gift is that it’s normal to give cash as a gift, and the couple often has a registry that takes the second-guessing out of gift giving.
That said, your answer is probably different depending on where you live, if you are bringing a partner and/or children to the wedding, and where the wedding is located. I made this flowchart based on friends’ weddings I’ve been to over the past ~5 years. I also went to two friends’ weddings while in college, and I believe I gave $50-100 as a gift then (which I think is reasonable as I was 18-19 at those weddings and a student).
How much should I spend on a wedding gift?
I generally stick to cash or something off the couple’s registry, unless it’s a couple I’m very close with and know something else I know they’d love. And someday, when I have more money, I would love to be able to spend more on wedding gifts, but this is my budget for now. I’m curious—what’s your wedding gift budget?
For destination weddings, it’s a tough one, and I’ve heard from people that with all the costs of getting there, your presence is the gift. I recently went to a destination wedding earlier this summer, and my friend and I decided to get a gift for the bride and groom, but less than $150 each (splitting a gift closer to $100).
As for gifts for a second wedding, I don’t have as much experience here, and would like to hear what you all think:
I would err towards using the same chart and giving the same gift as the first, but it seems like some opinions online differ—let me know what you all think!
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I'm curious what others think - I typically don't give a gift if I am in the wedding party since there are so many additional costs (dress, bachelorette, etc). Is that a faux pas?