As someone who has always enjoyed shopping, browsing, thrifting as entertainment, even if it it’s just for a cute notepad or a future gift for someone, the best thing I did for myself when I moved to NYC 20 years ago was to put a full month-long moratorium on all discretionary spending. It was crazy hard, but it broke the cycle and when I started shopping as entertainment again, I was much more able and content to window shop. And being older than you, I’ll put in my thoughts on the point of tightening up the discretionary spending if you can do it comfortably: compound interest. When time is on your side, even an extra $25 a month invested from your Roth will make a difference to future you. Not just the future you who is retired, but the future you who starts to have panic attacks 10 years before retirement. And by you I mean all of us.
I forget where I heard the term “financial anorexia” where I was over controlling my spending to feel like I had any control in life. I think it ended up hurting my relationships and now that I’m feeling more balanced I don’t want to cry when an unexpected expense comes up. Would love to read more about extreme frugality and mental health 🤔
that's so real that feeling of dread/stress/anxiety when an unexpected expense comes up (like a dinner bill being higher than expected) and it can derail any fun that evening!
I think I feel comfortable with individual purchases I make, but every time I see the aggregate on my credit card or my budget, I’m surprised by how the numbers add up higher than I expected. I don’t know how to shift my mental math
I feel the same! Trying to forgive myself more for the bigger numbers when I'm okay with the smaller purchases. I think it also has to do with a snapshot in time--maybe I spent more on dining out this month than previous months, but I happened to have a few plans this month, more than usual. Just with how everyone's schedules fell
I agree about the snapshot - my credit card (where I put all expenses) will be high for August and September, but we had a wedding and a funeral to attend which were both out of town.
For me, it's definitely the competitive component and I can get obsessed with anything I track. When I was younger, it was calories. In my 30s, it's definitely money. In both cases, $0 is unrealistic, but my competitive brain is always going to strive for the lowest number closest to 0.
honestly that's such a good point that me tracking my spending more consciously this year could have caused me to go extra-frugal with my mindset. But I feel like there's so many other benefits to tracking my spending closely so I'm hoping to find a happy medium between tracking and feeling good about spending!
i love this! i always failed my "no spend" challenges, all for good reason. they're unrealistic! this year, i decided to an intentional buy year, and it's been serving me real well!
This article was amazing and I was itching for more! I feel like my goal is always to spend $0 in discretionary spending, and I realized that my stress over this dictates way too much of my day to day. Thank you for writing on such important topics! :)
This is so interesting! One of my money mantras is “money is for spending” and I’ve read so much about money as energy and how it’s important to let it flow, and yet I can still panic when I see how much I’ve spent. Even if it’s spending I planned in advance for a holiday, for example.
Spending $0 sounds unrealistic, but I think it could certainly be a worthwhile experiment and something that I've definitely thought of trying just to see what the results are. I do like the clothing challenge—I feel like I often ignore so many perfectly good clothes I have already in my closet.
I love the idea of mini no-spend challenges (no coffee for a week, no Marshall’s for a week, etc)! I tell myself ‘I’m going to track every purchase’ and then I get discouraged and quit within a few days.
Have you tried one of the automated tools? I personally track mine by hand on a spreadsheet but I know some people have used apps like YNAB that can pull in spending from credit cards. I also only update mine once every 3-7 days, looking back on credit card statements since I spend 85% with credit cards (and I try to keep track of the cash purchases as best I can!)
So sorry, I just saw this! No - I was raised by boomers who taught me to write checks and keep a check ledger! I was on unemployment during COVID and our state had its database hacked...it's made me a bit paranoid about my SSN, etc. being 'out there.'
That is a great idea to track once a week, I update my ledger on Mondays (I could alternate and update my spending on Fridays!). Thanks!!
I like to do a low-spend month one month a year. I gave myself $100 last September to spend to “catch up” on overspending over the summer and it was a helpful reset. It was illuminating to see where I actually wanted to spend my few dollars. I think I’ll do one next January again since there is less socializing that month!
It's so helpful to evaluate what's worth it and to see what you might not miss! I try to do that with subscriptions, cancelling them before deciding if I want to renew them
As someone who has always enjoyed shopping, browsing, thrifting as entertainment, even if it it’s just for a cute notepad or a future gift for someone, the best thing I did for myself when I moved to NYC 20 years ago was to put a full month-long moratorium on all discretionary spending. It was crazy hard, but it broke the cycle and when I started shopping as entertainment again, I was much more able and content to window shop. And being older than you, I’ll put in my thoughts on the point of tightening up the discretionary spending if you can do it comfortably: compound interest. When time is on your side, even an extra $25 a month invested from your Roth will make a difference to future you. Not just the future you who is retired, but the future you who starts to have panic attacks 10 years before retirement. And by you I mean all of us.
I forget where I heard the term “financial anorexia” where I was over controlling my spending to feel like I had any control in life. I think it ended up hurting my relationships and now that I’m feeling more balanced I don’t want to cry when an unexpected expense comes up. Would love to read more about extreme frugality and mental health 🤔
that's so real that feeling of dread/stress/anxiety when an unexpected expense comes up (like a dinner bill being higher than expected) and it can derail any fun that evening!
So many parallels between disordered eating and disordered spending.
I think I feel comfortable with individual purchases I make, but every time I see the aggregate on my credit card or my budget, I’m surprised by how the numbers add up higher than I expected. I don’t know how to shift my mental math
I feel the same! Trying to forgive myself more for the bigger numbers when I'm okay with the smaller purchases. I think it also has to do with a snapshot in time--maybe I spent more on dining out this month than previous months, but I happened to have a few plans this month, more than usual. Just with how everyone's schedules fell
I agree about the snapshot - my credit card (where I put all expenses) will be high for August and September, but we had a wedding and a funeral to attend which were both out of town.
Good point about the difference between feeling guilt over the money spent vs actual regret for what was experienced or purchased!
For me, it's definitely the competitive component and I can get obsessed with anything I track. When I was younger, it was calories. In my 30s, it's definitely money. In both cases, $0 is unrealistic, but my competitive brain is always going to strive for the lowest number closest to 0.
honestly that's such a good point that me tracking my spending more consciously this year could have caused me to go extra-frugal with my mindset. But I feel like there's so many other benefits to tracking my spending closely so I'm hoping to find a happy medium between tracking and feeling good about spending!
i love this! i always failed my "no spend" challenges, all for good reason. they're unrealistic! this year, i decided to an intentional buy year, and it's been serving me real well!
This article was amazing and I was itching for more! I feel like my goal is always to spend $0 in discretionary spending, and I realized that my stress over this dictates way too much of my day to day. Thank you for writing on such important topics! :)
Thank you!! Your comment made my day. Changing the mindset is such a work in progress for me too
This is so interesting! One of my money mantras is “money is for spending” and I’ve read so much about money as energy and how it’s important to let it flow, and yet I can still panic when I see how much I’ve spent. Even if it’s spending I planned in advance for a holiday, for example.
Spending $0 sounds unrealistic, but I think it could certainly be a worthwhile experiment and something that I've definitely thought of trying just to see what the results are. I do like the clothing challenge—I feel like I often ignore so many perfectly good clothes I have already in my closet.
I love the idea of mini no-spend challenges (no coffee for a week, no Marshall’s for a week, etc)! I tell myself ‘I’m going to track every purchase’ and then I get discouraged and quit within a few days.
Have you tried one of the automated tools? I personally track mine by hand on a spreadsheet but I know some people have used apps like YNAB that can pull in spending from credit cards. I also only update mine once every 3-7 days, looking back on credit card statements since I spend 85% with credit cards (and I try to keep track of the cash purchases as best I can!)
So sorry, I just saw this! No - I was raised by boomers who taught me to write checks and keep a check ledger! I was on unemployment during COVID and our state had its database hacked...it's made me a bit paranoid about my SSN, etc. being 'out there.'
That is a great idea to track once a week, I update my ledger on Mondays (I could alternate and update my spending on Fridays!). Thanks!!
I like to do a low-spend month one month a year. I gave myself $100 last September to spend to “catch up” on overspending over the summer and it was a helpful reset. It was illuminating to see where I actually wanted to spend my few dollars. I think I’ll do one next January again since there is less socializing that month!
It's so helpful to evaluate what's worth it and to see what you might not miss! I try to do that with subscriptions, cancelling them before deciding if I want to renew them
I love doing no spend days, but I also love randomly cutting out caffeine for weeks or giving up sugar for a month. The catholic in me craves Lent… ✝️
I’ve cut out caffeine before but cutting out sugar for a month would be so hard!! That’s impressive